Going through IVF already asks so much of you — physically, mentally, and emotionally. And then, right in the middle of all of that, someone close to you announces they’re pregnant.
It can land in a place that feels unexpectedly painful.
Even when you genuinely care about them, the news can stir emotions you weren’t prepared for. We remember getting messages that should have been joyful, only to find ourselves sitting holding back tears we couldn’t fully explain.
If this has happened to you, please know it’s completely normal to feel conflicted. And you are not alone in this. During our own fertility journeys, pregnancy announcements often brought up a mixture of love, hope, grief, and longing.
In this post, we hold space for all of that complexity and offer gentle guidance on how to navigate pregnancy announcements during IVF with compassion for yourself.
Why Pregnancy Announcements During IVF Can Feel So Hard
When you’re going through IVF, every step carries emotional weight. Each scan, injection, and phone call from the clinic holds both hope and uncertainty. You’re investing your time, your finances, and your heart into something that still comes with no guarantees.
So when someone shares their pregnancy news, it can touch a very tender place inside you.
We remember how our hearts would tighten before we could even process the words. It wasn’t jealousy. It was the ache of wanting something so deeply, while still living with uncertainty.
Pregnancy announcements during IVF can hurt because they highlight what you’re working so hard for, while reminding you that the outcome is still unknown. There is nothing wrong with you for reacting this way. It’s a deeply human response to a very difficult experience.
The Mix of Emotions You Might Be Feeling
One of the hardest parts of pregnancy announcements during IVF is the emotional conflict they bring. You might feel:
- happiness for them
- sadness for yourself
- jealousy that feels uncomfortable
- guilt for feeling that jealousy
- grief for cycles that didn’t work
- fear about what comes next
- a sense of being “left behind”
We’ve sat with those tangled feelings too — happiness for someone else mixed with a heaviness in our own chest. They can arrive all at once, leaving you unsure how to respond or what you’re even feeling.
But every one of these emotions is valid.
You can love someone deeply and still feel pain when they share their news. You can celebrate their happiness while quietly grieving your own losses. You can want to be supportive and still need space.
That doesn’t make you a bad friend, sister, or daughter.
It makes you human.
Giving Yourself Permission to Feel What You Feel
IVF is emotionally demanding. It’s okay if pregnancy announcements feel hard — even when they come from people you love. You don’t have to push those feelings away or pretend everything is fine.
During our own cycles, there were days when even gentle news felt sharp. It took time to understand that this reaction didn’t make us unkind, it was a reflection of how much we cared.
You’re allowed to:
- take a moment before responding
- step away from the conversation
- cry if you need to
- process the news privately at your own pace
- reply later, when you feel steadier
You don’t owe anyone an immediate emotional response. You’re not being dramatic, you’re caring for yourself during a vulnerable time.
Speaking to Yourself With Compassion
Our instinct is often to judge ourselves. “Why am I reacting like this?” “Shouldn’t I be stronger?”
But what if you spoke to yourself the way you would speak to a close friend going through IVF?
Compassion might sound like:
- “It’s okay that this feels heavy.”
- “I’m doing the best I can.”
- “My feelings make sense.”
- “This moment doesn’t define me.”
We found that when we softened toward ourselves, the pain didn’t disappear, but it felt less sharp and less isolating.
Communicating Boundaries (If and When You Want To)
There may be times when someone close to you is pregnant and the topic therefore comes up often. You might feel the need to protect your emotional space — not because you aren’t happy for them, but because IVF can make certain moments feel especially tender.
Boundaries don’t have to be harsh or distancing. They can be gentle and respectful, honouring their joy while still caring for your heart.
Here are a few gentle ways to express that:
“I’m so happy for you and truly celebrating your news. I’m also navigating some tender emotions because of IVF, so if I’m a little quiet sometimes, please know it’s not about you.”
- Thank you for sharing your joy with me. I care about you deeply, I’m just moving through my own journey, and I may take a little extra time to respond on emotional days.”
- “Your news means a lot to me. I’m holding some mixed feelings because of where I am right now, and I hope you know how much I value you.”
And remember — you don’t always have to explain. Sometimes the kindest boundary is giving yourself quiet space when you need it.
When Pregnancy Announcements Come Out of Nowhere
Sometimes the hardest announcements were the ones we didn’t see coming. A message in a group chat, a surprise reveal at a gathering, a work colleague at lunch, or a casual comment you weren’t prepared for.
We’ve had moments where the room seemed to blur for a second — where we smiled politely while our body caught up with what our heart had just heard.
If this happens, give yourself permission to:
- pause
- breathe
- step away if you need to
- respond later, when you feel steadier
You don’t need to react perfectly. You just need to take care of yourself.
Caring for Yourself Afterwards
Pregnancy announcements during IVF can leave an emotional ache. We found that small rituals helped us come back to ourselves:
- making a warm drink
- taking a gentle walk
- journaling
- listening to your favourite songs
- giving ourselves permission to rest
- talking to someone who understands
You don’t need to “move on” quickly. You just need space to breathe.
Finding Support During Triggering Moments
IVF can feel isolating, but you don’t have to carry these emotions alone.
Support might come from:
- your partner
- a trusted friend
- someone who has been through IVF
- support groups
- online communities
Sharing with people who truly understand can make the heaviness feel a little lighter.
Abschließende Überlegungen
If pregnancy announcements feel difficult during IVF, please know there is nothing wrong with you. Your feelings are real, valid, and deeply human. IVF brings up emotions that are complex and often overwhelming and you deserve compassion through every step.
Be gentle with yourself. Take your time. Protect your heart when you need to. And remember, you are not alone in this. We’ve been there too, and we’re holding space for you.
Your journey is unfolding in its own time, and your strength is far greater than you may realise.
